Minamahal kong Tita Janey,
Ako po’y mahigit-kumulang dalawampu’t-walong taong gulang…Kahit papano’y nakaangat na ng kaunti sa buhay at nakapag-impok ng mumunting halaga…Sabi nga ng mga babaeng katrabaho ko, ang kulang na lang ay nobya. Ang palagi ko namang sinasabi sa kanila (bagkus sa aking isipan lamang) ay “che!!!”
Matagal ko nang alam na ako’y hindi itinadhanang makipag-isang dibdib sa babae. Alam ito ng aking pamilya at mga matatalik na kaibigan. Gayunpaman, hindi ako naglaladlad ng kapa sa opisina pagka’t medyo makaluma ang pananaw ng kalakalang aking pinamamasukan ukol sa ganoong bagay. Ngunit hindi naman ito ang suliraning aking idudulong sa inyo.
Mula nang napagtanto ko ang aking tunay na pagkatao (walong taon nang nakalilipas) ay nasubukan ko nang makipag-ulayaw sa mga taong kagaya ko. Kasing dami ng araw sa isang linggo ang naging nobyo ko (walang nagsabay, ngunit may magkadikit, hihihi). Walang nagtagal ng higit sa tatlong buwan. Lahat ng pakikipagsamang iyon ay nagwawakas dahil sa akin. Kahit anong sabihin ko mang dahilan (hal. “It’s not you it’s me”, “This is not working out”, “We’re just too busy”) ang katotohana’y ako’y nagsasawa lamang.
Kasalukuyan akong nakikipagkita sa isang napakamabuti, matalino, masipag at makisig na nilalang. Tawagin nalang natin siyang “DZZt”. Sa kabila nang wari’y walang bahid niyang pagkatao ay nakukuha ko pa ring makipagniig sa iba’t-ibang mga lalake—karamihan sa kanila’y di maihahambing kay DZZt. Ako’y nangungulumihanan—ikawalong lalake ko na ‘to. Ang ika-lima hanggang ika-pito kong nobyo’y di naman nalalayo kay DZZt sa kabutihan, katalinuhan, kasipagan atbp. Masasabi kong maraming uri na ng lalake ang aking nasubukan. Darating ba ang panahon kung kailan ako’y magsasawa sa pagsawa? O habang buhay bang kasingdalas ng pagpalit ng “Now Showing” sa Robinson’s Movieworld ang pagpalit ko ng nobyo?
Nagmamahal,
D. Makapanatili
Dear D. Makapanatili,
I am tempted to point a finger at you and shout “SLUT!” but I won’t. I am not one to cast the first stone for I am also not without sin. Let us be comforted that even the repentant Magdalene earned a place beside Jesus. But first, we shall have to make our hair long and look for a jar of expensive perfume and a foot on which to cry on. But if you are a Judas (Everybody now: “Juda-a-a-s, Juda-a-a-s, Gaga”), I suggest you have a glance at Dante’s Inferno.
My theory is that a lot of male homosexual relationships do not work because the parties involved have not yet found a stable sense of self or are just extremely self-centered or neurotic.
Prepare for a lecture.(Disclaimer: I have no formal training in psychology and these conclusions are just based on personal observations. If you disagree, feel free to hurl tomatoes at me and put a lengthy exposition in Comments as to why I am wrong. Be livid and eloquent so that all of us can be enlightened.)
1. Sexual Addiction
Some homosexual men I know started having steamy fun with the team in the locker room in their late teens or early twenties. They first tried to “experiment” because they felt they could discover something about themselves if they tried to bat for the same team. After a few experimental swings, it became a regular ballgame. They could not stop swinging the bat, it had become a compulsion. Everything in their lives went straight to hell. The academically stellar became mediocre, the religious became wanton, and the prim and proper were transformed into Jezebels. They had become so involved with tasting the different flavors of ice cream that they neglected other aspects of their lives. The more they ran around the bases, the harder it was for them to get out of the field. They seem to have stopped growing mentally and emotionally. This was the effect of addiction.
I caution our nagdadalagang mga Maximo not to rush into sex. It is a free-wheeling world out there. As an acquaintance aptly put it, “It’s a buffet!” I understand that embracing one’s homosexuality is a difficult, painful and lonely process. When one is figuring out who he is, one can be very vulnerable and susceptible to many influences. Take time to figure yourselves out. It is only when you have become fully yourself that you can handle the rigors of gayness. Sex is a powerful force and many have lost themselves to it. I think this is the wisdom behind the conservative notion that very young people should not dally with sex.
2. Extreme Neediness
I have also observed that a lot of homosexual men are extremely needy. They believe that another person should fill the void in their lives. Tantrums are not uncommon. The usual complaint I hear from gay men is that their partner is cold and unaffectionate. They have this belief that their partner should exist only to pay attention to them and answer for their needs. Eventually one gets suffocated by the other and ends the relationship.
3. Extreme Self-Centeredness
If there is a man who believes that he is God’s gift to women, there is such a thing as a gay man who believes he is God’s gift to gay men. Gay men, as observed by Camille Paglia, are obsessed with hierarchy. These flamboyant peacocks believe that they are at the pinnacle of the gay pyramid and demand that they should be worshipped. To be in a relationship with them is to serve them and to accept their view of themselves and their view of the world. They cannot accept or tolerate somebody whom they perceive as superior to them, hence the bitching. One must win their approval, and when you are in a relationship where you constantly seek the approval of your partner, you will get exhausted.
Actually…
The above discussion is just my ploy to lengthen this column. What I really want to say to D. Makapanatili is that if you do not get a hold of yourself, you will not be able to get a hold of anybody. For a relationship to work properly, both parties must be at ease with their own persons. Both partners must also be able to withstand and adapt to the dynamics of their relationship. It takes commitment and fortitude.
I think there is still much you need to discover about yourself. A heterosexual man I know who has been married twice admits that he had lots of extramarital affairs with women. He claims “Lalasingin mo lang ang mga yan at bibigay yan kaagad”. It was that easy for him. He stopped playing around when he realized that he was destroying the lives of his second wife and their child. He discovered that his purpose was to build his family a good life. He is now earning lots of money, doing very well in his job, is well-liked by his numerous clients, and finds contentment in the things he does.
Aunt Jane
http://www.jessicarulestheuniverse.com/2011/07/02/auntie-janeys-old-fashioned-agony-column-19/
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