I need PEACE OF MIND

I didn't do anything today... I just stay home... I woke up very late. Then Cook a pancake for my brunch. and a black coffee...

It wasn't really working... What i promised to myself for this year, that I am going to be inlove to myself... that I am going to work out on how to gain sef-respect and love myself.

since the new year's eve, I drunk alcohol... everynight. I promised to myself that little by little I'll stop drinking and smoking. but I didn't. It's really an stressing day. pressuring perhaps.

I supposed to go anywhere to look for a new place, because by the end of the month, seriously, I really need to move out from my place now. but I am not moving my fat ass.

Yesterday, I tried. I went to the office, I left my gifts in everybody's table, and planned to go somewhere to look for a new place, but there was a heavy rain dropping like almost two hours. I was so annoyed so I decided just to go home, since i really feel sick since the new year...

I supposed to look for another job, or contact people to ask for a project or a side job, but moron! I am too lazy... and that's makes me more sad.

Am I so Hopeless?

I know I just Miss HIM. I miss HIM so much. But I really need to help myself... I am going deeper and deeper. And I knew it, the more I am hopeless, the more HE doesn't like me anymore.

Tomorrow, I decided to go to the church to pray, for myself. To ask him to guide to the right direction of my life. Then look for a new place after, then contact friends and some bosses, and ask for a job...

I know what I need. I need PEACE OF MIND.

I need to FOCUS, CONCENTRATE, REALIZE things... I am not in a DREAMLAND. I am real. I need to wake up, I need to work hard. I need to move.

Before its too late...